The motivation for writing is different for many people. For some, it’s because they have this artistic burning desire. The author has in their mind a great story that they believe will entertain or enlighten people. Me, I want a Winnebago..
Now, let me backtrack a bit. Sure, I have what I believe to be some things that might entertain or enlighten you as a reader; but my true motivation is a Winnebago. If you happen to chuckle at something I’ve written or decide to make some grand life change then an extra gold star for me. There’s a fairly good reason for all of this. In the summer of 2014 my wife and I traveled to Tampa, Florida. For those of you outside of the United States, that’s where the oranges come from; and the alligators. And some of the cocaine.
Now, we are traveling through central Florida and my wife looks out the window. She sees a giant patch of land consisting of nothing but recreational vehicles. I turn into a goddamned five year old and begin to tell her how amazing RV’s are. Yeah, I’m writing this book so I can someday own a house you can drive.
Truthfully though, that’s bullshit. At least ten percent of what you are about to read is. Personally, I draw inspiration for the garbled nonsense contained within these pages from the fact that a few years ago Oprah grilled a guy for writing a biography when it was really mostly bullshit. When it came time for this guy to come on her show and promote the book, she grilled him till he was burnt to a crisp about why he claimed to be an astronaut at the same time that he said he was a lumberjack in the Yukon.
So that’s where the general theme of this work is coming from. If I were to sit and give you a complete blow by blow accounting of my life I wouldn’t even be able to afford one of those little campers you set on top of the back bed of a pickup truck, never mind a big ass RV. Trust me, I asked my wife and she said she would rather sleep in the forest under a tarp than one of those things. That being said, I plan to do my best to entertain you. If you somehow learn something from this experience, than it was purely on accident.